His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
