hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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