Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
