the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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