i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
