My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
