It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
