She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
