Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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