the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
