you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
