Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
