I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
