If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize