i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
