I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
