i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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