i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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