We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
