So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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