I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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