I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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