to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You are a genius and a whore.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
