i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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