I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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