My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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