just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
All the doctor said was why
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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