They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
