I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
