He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
