I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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