escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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