All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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