I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
