im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
