I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
