Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
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