Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize