Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
