So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
