I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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