I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
it's like iHOP with fire
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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