its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
