you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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