I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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