so explain again why im purple
no
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
