I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
