I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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