why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
