I can tuck mytits in my pants
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
