But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
