i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
