dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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