I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
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