Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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