mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
