it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
