If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
