wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
