What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
