I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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