It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
splinters make it hard to masturbate
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
