I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
