The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Randomize
