I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
