Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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