Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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