everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
