You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
