Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
