She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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