When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
What happened to fro yo and sex?
BRING THE BAGELS
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