And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
