your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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