every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
