Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
