god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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