His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
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Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
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Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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