Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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