I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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