All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
